Sex is seen by many as a profound way of expressing love and strengthening intimacy, but beyond that, it’s an obligation in marriage.
And inasmuch as couples want to have a good time during a romp in the sack, findings have shown that there are habits, dispositions, attitudes and commentaries that could come from either of them and are capable of making the partner to lose interest in the act, no matter the eagerness or preparation. It should also be noted that some of these issues could come into play before or during sex.
Some of these turn-offs include:
Body shaming: Defined as the action or practice of humiliating someone by making critical or mocking comments about their body shape or size, body shaming, especially before or during sex, is one factor that could make people to suddenly lose interest in sex even if they have been aroused already. And even if the negative or uncomplimentary comments had been made earlier, it could still derail their libido if it comes to mind during that session. For example, men are very sensitive about the size of their penis, thus if a woman describes it as small or mock them for not being able to make good use of what they have, it could make such a man lose interest. Likewise, women are particular about their breasts, bum and belly. Thus, telling a woman she has droopy or tiny breasts or protruding belly could rattle her ego and make her lose interest in the act. Thus, couples are always advised against making any uncomplimentary remarks about their partner’s body.
Poor hygiene: Attractiveness has been described as one of the ingredients of good time in bed, and its impact on the act cannot be overemphasised. Poor body hygiene, especially when the bad smell oozes from the armpit, unkempt hair (especially for women) or smelly private parts, could make some people want to puke and ultimately make them lose interest in sex. It is equally worthy of note that some people are irritated by the sight of unshaved armpit, untrimmed beards and body sweat. This explains why people are advised to have a shower before sex and stay tidy, if not for themselves, but for their partners.
Mouth odour: From findings, not many people could put up with someone with bad breath. Perhaps, it could still be endured if it stops at feeling it from the distance, but it becomes a different experience if it comes to kissing, which is one of the passionate, romantic activities that (could) go along with sexual intercourse. Thus, whether at the beginning or in the middle of sexual intercourse a man or woman attempts to kiss the partner and they are met with an unpleasant smell, it could breed instant irritation and make them lose interest in the act. It should be noted, however, that bad breath, which is also halitosis, could be mild or chronic. But regardless of its severity, it turns people off.
Distraction: Fiddling with the remote, pointing at an image on the television screen, reading a text message, grabbing a biscuit to munch and even reading newspaper during sexual intercourse could spell doom for the exercise. This, according to findings, is because it could imply disconnect or that the person is not enjoying the act and had to find a way to get busy, which could also make the other person to lose interest and withdraw. Thus, instead of being the only one enjoying it, couples are always advised to discuss their reservations with their partners.
Premature or excessively delayed ejaculation/orgasm: Orgasm is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterised by sexual pleasure. It’s the climax of sexual excitement, but the times it takes to reach that region differs between men and women. Men reach orgasm faster than women. Therefore, women tend to lose interest in sex, even in the middle of it, if the man ejaculates quickly as it leaves them hanging. And it could be worsened by the fact that the man could sleep off afterwards. Also, a woman could lose interest if it takes the man too long to ejaculate. Likewise for women, a man could lose interest if the woman does not reach orgasm after so much effort. This explains why couples are advised to discuss their sexual needs with their partners.
Pain: It is a common saying that no one can hide the shock of being electrocuted. Likewise, given the sensitive nature of the sexual organs, excessive force or being too hard on the partner could be painful for the person, which could bring the whole exercise to an abrupt end. For men, the pain could result from a dry vagina – perhaps due to no foreplay, or the penis being roughly handled by the woman. For the woman, the pain could come from being too hard on the nipples or excessive thrusting. Thus, people are often advised to be sensitive to the complaints of their partners during the exercise, because they could lose interest if the pain persists.
Shaved/unshaved pubic hair: This could be seen as similar to hygiene, but they are different. This is because having pubic hair is not synonymous with poor genital hygiene, according to experts. The National Health Service in the United Kingdom pointed out that like most things on the body, pubic hair does have a purpose. “It acts as a barrier, protecting against potentially harmful bacteria and viruses entering the body, and the regular act of shaving can lead to skin irritation and damage,” it added. But, in spite of its benefits, some people are irritated by it and would prefer that their partner trims it at all times, else they would be irritated and withdraw from the act. But, interestingly, there are also people who prefer that their partner leaves it, saying it is a good turn-on for them. Thus, people are advised to find a common ground between what their partners want and what they want so that their sex life remains active and for them to also be happy with themselves.
Passive partner: It has been said that the best form of sex is one that is participatory, in which case both the man and woman play their part. But there are instances where one party is not interested in the act, maybe at a given time, and they remain passive during the exercise. This, according to findings, could discourage the other person from continuing with the act.
But speaking on the turn-offs for people in marriage, a professor of psychology, Toba Elegbeleye, said such issues would usually be magnified when there are some basic problems in the union.
He said, “When people get married, what sustains marriage is not even love, it is the value that the person is adding to you. Every human being looks for value, whether in marriage or at work, and that is what keeps it going. If it seems to you that this person is not adding value to you, there is bound to be a problem and that is when all those points you highlighted would be magnified.
“There are reasons why you adore your spouse, but many people reduce it to mere sex, which is not true. If the person adds value to you, you are not likely going to have such issues. But if there is no addition of value, irritation would surface and both of them would have serious issues to grapple with. That is when they would begin to make excuses.”
He, however, identified communication, patience and perseverance as integral to resolving misgivings in marriage.
He added, “People need to use their heads when going into marriage, not based on blind love, which psychology tells us does not last more than 13 months, or infatuation, which psychology says does not last more than three years. It will last more if you cannot get the object of your desire, but if it is available to you, it won’t go beyond that.”