To be in a relationship or marriage that’s as close to perfection as it can ever get, lovers know that the essence of concepts like commitment, support, sacrifice and effort can not be overplayed.
To blindly go into a relationship, or to hope to have a relationship transcend to a lifetime of marital bliss without having a firm grasp of these is the same as being ill prepared for a task and hoping to excel at it.
Ronke Raji, lifestyle blogger and vlogger was at Pulse recently for a sit-down and shares her thoughts on the importance of knowing, and practicing these things in relationships and marriages.
Ronke, who has a channel on Youtube and a page on Instagram dedicated to beauty, love and relationships says matter of factly that “if you want to be in a longterm relationship, you have to work towards it.”
“The more effort you put into it, just like anything, you put in effort, you get success.”
Newly married to Arthur Adeola, her boo of over seven years, the vlogger puts her relationship in perspective, explaining that to be in a relationship that stands the test of time, it is very necessary for lovers to be intentional about effort and sacrifice, two things without which a relationship may run of steam in no time. According to the 27-year-old, what has kept her going in her relationship and reinforced her partnership with her boo is sacrifice and compromise.
“For us, it’s just about putting in that work. There are some sacrifices you have to make that are necessary for your relationship and I think a lot of people do not realise this. I think they just think that ‘oh, I’m gonna meet this guy, we’re gonna date, get married and things are gonna be cool; but you have to really sacrifice.”
While she concedes that it may be tough to stick to this sometimes, she advises that lovers should not look for the easy way out.
“Don’t take the exit door. The idea of using that exit door is what makes you feel that there could be something better out there.”
“The grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass is always greener where you water it. It [will] look great because you have cultivated it, you’ve grown it. You’ve put in time and effort; so you know, it’s very important to put in time and effort.”
“It’s all about sacrifice, it’s all about compromise, a word that I’m learning about everyday,” she admits.
The new Mrs. also confesses that although she never believed in love when she was a little girl, now that she has become wrapped in its magic, she does not intend to let go just like that. And one of the ways to achieve that is in realizing that it is fine to not get what she wants all the time.
Ronke believes that this is a truth that everyone, male or female, needs to wrap their head around if relationships are going to grow into marriages that are stable and joy-filled.
“You cannot get your way all the time,” she says. “There are some times you are not gonna get your way and you’re gonna have to be OK with that because you’ll know that it’s for the greater good.
“There’s no need spending hours arguing with your husband or your boyfriend or fiancée over something you know you can just let go.”
On finding a balance between being in love, maintaining your friendships and generally just living your best individual life, Ronke has this to say:
“Because you are in a relationship or marriage does not mean you lose sight of yourself or you don’t do your own things. You have to do your own things.”
And she’d know, having been in the same situation herself.
Up till the third year of her eight-years-long continuing relationship with Arthur, her new husband who was then her boyfriend, Ronke says she had nothing she was personally doing. All she had going for her was a business jointly owned and jointly run with her man. It was in the third year of their relationship that she snapped out of that zone and began pursuing her own dreams.
To people who find themselves in a similar situation, she advises that leaving the relationship is not necessarily the answer.
“You do not have to leave the relationship if you find yourself in that situation,” she says.
“Just wiggle yourself out of it… you need a good group of friends around you.”
To further drive home the importance of retaining your individuality despite being connected to your partner, the vlogger is of the opinion that, “maintaining your individuality is what’s going to give you a longer relationship because if you are too fused, you become one and somebody is going to be upset.
“Someone is going to feel like you crushed their dreams so you have to be individuals but together.”
It is just important to be as supportive of each other as possible. As has been articulately explained here, partners owe each other the duty of being each other’s biggest support system.
More than anything else, it remains an unbendable truth that to be happy in love, affection will not do.
It’s necessary to always bear in mind that without support in every sense of the word, as well as a lot of effort and sacrifice, not much can be done with all the love you may be carrying in your heart for your partner.